A whole different kind of therapy...

Since I am working on getting my body all fixed up, and since it's my brain that is all whacked out, it's probably a good idea to go talk to someone. 

I have been a proponent for going to a mind-doctor for some time.  I think it's healthy to talk to someone who is totally impartial and not afraid to tell you what you need to hear.  I started going a few years ago when I had a lot of changes going on in my life.  Compared to the changes going on now, they were nothing, but it turned out that talking was a good thing.  He helped me see things in a different light, and I really think I have healthier relationships now.  I learned to speak my mind a little more and realize that it's ok to say "no" sometimes.

I don't go too often.  Now I just go when I need a little "tweaking" in my head.  Or when something big happens.  The last 2 times I went were work related....a chick jumped off an overpass on the expressway in front of me and died after getting hit by several cars, and when those 2 babies were murdered.

So this MS business is kind of big.  So I thought I should make a visit.  Here are a few things that I learned that I think can be helpful in a lot of different situations.

Sometimes you have to take things in little chunks.  Looking at the big picture will just drive me nuts.  When my doctor tells me that it's too early to tell about a lot of things, it makes me crazy.  So with a bit of will power and some prayer, I realize I can't look too far into the future.  I don't know if I will be able to be a street cop again.  And I really have no idea when that may happen, or when I will have an answer one way or the other.  But I can focus on going to work this week and doing a good job. 

This also helped me a lot when thinking about my house.  Part of me is glad that I have it and the other part of me can't seem to forget that some bad things happened to me while I have lived there.  That may be part of the reason that I couldn't care less what my yard looks like (much to my neighbors chagrin...).  But if I put the past behind me and realize that I can't change any of that, and that it is my house now, I do a bit better.  So, while Cheyenne was cutting my grass, I pulled a small area of weeds.  And since I saw some progress, I pulled a few more the next day.  And the next.  Then, I actually planted some grass!  So, that brings me to my next point....

Stop living in the past... I have finally figured out that it does you absolutely no good.  I figure that everything happens for a reason, good and bad stuff.  And that all of that stuff puts you in exactly the place that God wants you to be.  So, that answers the last question the doctor asked me.....

Are you angry?  Well, how can I be, if I really believe that God has a plan for me and this is all part of it?  Then I would have to admit that I'm angry at God, and honestly, He has done way too much for me to be mad at him. 

Seriously?  What good would it do me to lay in a fetal position and cry all the time?  And who would want to be around me?  I would even want to get away from myself.

I have tried to run from myself (and God) in the past....it never works.