I'm still trying to figure out quite a bit about MS. And the paranoia has definitely set in. How do you know if something that happens is a weird coincidence or the start of a relapse? I had this conversation with my doctor a few months ago and he seemed to calm me down, but it is back.
The evidence:
A) A few days ago, I started with a bit of a dizzy spell that has hung on somewhat. This is how everything began. Also, just about everyone I know has had some sort of a sinus infection and that can cause dizziness. I, too, have been sneezing lately, but not enough to warrant a call to my family doctor.
B) The right side of my tongue is feeling kind of funny. Also one of my first symptoms. And, while shopping last night, I saw some artichoke hearts at the store yesterday. Artichokes were in the meal I had the day my tongue went numb. Coincidence?? Um, I'm not sure.
C) I am super tired! But I never was one to turn down a nap, and I have been known to sleep, and sleep, and sleep.... MS or not. This could also just mean that I am lazy....
D) I stared at my friend for an unusually long time because I couldn't think of the word "Winter". Not only could I not think of that word, but I couldn't remember any words. This was one of the issues I had in the hospital. But on the other hand, I'm not exactly brilliant, so it may just be nothing.
Even when I put all those things together, I don't have a good answer. And neither does the doctor. It could be the start of a relapse. It may actually be a relapse, but since I'm on some good medicine, it may not get any worse.
So, my conclusion is:
STOP THINKING ABOUT IT! STOP TALKING ABOUT IT!
Um, OK, Mary....You don't have to hollar at me (or yourself) like that!
Here is what I am saying, and I think it can pertain to a lot of things -
Stop stressing about (insert problem here). Worrying isn't going to add a day to your life.
Be appreciative of what you have, even if it is a problem, because problems usually teach you something. And they let you know you are alive.
And as a bonus.....Be thankful for who you have in your life because you never know when they will be gone.
Try not to use the words, "I'll do that later." Later may not come.
Until exhibits A through D really hit me in the head, I'm not going to stress about it. I'm going to be happy that I have something to blame my crooked walk on (other than my 2 left feet). I am also going to be happy that at my sister's wedding next week I can dance however I want, cause I have lesions and they have sucked the talent right out of me!
And after last night, which was full of shopping and back-drafting laughter that I had not done in a few months, looks like my cup maybe just about up to it's beginning level of 3/4ths full.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
D for "delightful"
The long weekend is over.
There isn't much pumpkin pie left.
I have done a bit of Christmas shopping.
And my Vitamin D level is low.
I mean, really, really low. And just so everyone knows, I cannot just drink some extra milk. But I do appreciate you suggesting it for me. Holy cow! I would have to drink a lot of milk to make up for the 50,000 IU of Vitamin D I now have to take.
So, why is it so low? There have been debates about the correlation between Multiple Sclerosis and low Vitamin D levels. And there have been studies that say Vitamin D can prevent or slow the progression of MS. I'm just kinda happy that I found something that says why I may have gotten MS.
Of course, I could have a low level because I am Irish and only get sunburned, so I stay out of the sun as much as possible. Another reason could be that I spent the last 5 years of my life working on patrol at night and sleeping during the day. Maybe that made me more prone to get MS. I didn't realize that all those days cuddled in my bed with the curtains drawn caused my brain to be cookin' some lesions! No wonder my retinas are so sensitive to light. I wear my sunglasses at night.....
I started my prescription Vit D on Saturday. I'm really enjoying the long list of medications I am taking. The most important information I check on them when I first get them filled is the list of side affects.
Pretty much if it doesn't say "weight gain", I will have no problem taking it.
There isn't much pumpkin pie left.
I have done a bit of Christmas shopping.
And my Vitamin D level is low.
I mean, really, really low. And just so everyone knows, I cannot just drink some extra milk. But I do appreciate you suggesting it for me. Holy cow! I would have to drink a lot of milk to make up for the 50,000 IU of Vitamin D I now have to take.
So, why is it so low? There have been debates about the correlation between Multiple Sclerosis and low Vitamin D levels. And there have been studies that say Vitamin D can prevent or slow the progression of MS. I'm just kinda happy that I found something that says why I may have gotten MS.
Of course, I could have a low level because I am Irish and only get sunburned, so I stay out of the sun as much as possible. Another reason could be that I spent the last 5 years of my life working on patrol at night and sleeping during the day. Maybe that made me more prone to get MS. I didn't realize that all those days cuddled in my bed with the curtains drawn caused my brain to be cookin' some lesions! No wonder my retinas are so sensitive to light. I wear my sunglasses at night.....
I started my prescription Vit D on Saturday. I'm really enjoying the long list of medications I am taking. The most important information I check on them when I first get them filled is the list of side affects.
Pretty much if it doesn't say "weight gain", I will have no problem taking it.
Friday, November 19, 2010
"Funny the way it is..."
I really need to get back in the habit of updating this more often, for no other reason than it is cathartic for me. And I love a good catharsis every once in awhile.... And, maybe someone will read it and get a kick out of it, or realize they aren't the only one with wacky stuff going on.
I expected to leave my neurologist's office full of snark, but with my new attitude, I was all smiley! He told me my balance is getting better. Not perfect yet, but I mentioned that he didn't know me PL (Pre-Lesions) and that it wasn't that great to begin with. He upped one of my medicines that should help with the muscle twitches. I think it does, but maybe I have just gotten used to them. Either way, they don't bother me as much, so it's a winning situation for me.
I left the office with an appointment for another MRI to see how my brain is doing (go ahead and insert your jokes here). They got me in just a few days after my visit. Apparently they are all fans of working very expeditiously.
I know a lot of people do not like MRI's but they really don't bother me too much even though they are noisy and you can get a little claustrophobic. They let me pick what music I wanted to listen to. I haven't had that option before. So, since I just try to zone out during the test, I picked Dave Matthews Band. It's kinda hard for me to understand what he is singing, so combining his mumbling with the noise of the machine, I was still able to just zone out...
They gave me a CD of the images they took of my brain. Isn't it cute? Check out my eyes! You can't tell in this picture, but they are blue with orange splashes.
Of course when I got to a computer, I tossed the CD in and tried to see if my lesions are better or not. After looking at over 600 images, I realized that I am not a doctor and even though I know what the lesions look like, I don't know if they are new or old, bigger or smaller. So I will wait for him to call me back.
He did. And it wasn't all bad. The other lesions I have seem to be "quiet". I felt like I should have been whispering when I was on the phone with him so they wouldn't "wake up". But what this meant was that the medicine I am on seems to be doing it's job. However.....
 |
| Here is a new lesion... |
 |
| Here is a new lesion... |
 |
| And here is a new lesion... |
In keeping with the whole "can't really tell you much about this disease" thing, it is unknown when the new lesions popped up. I didn't start my shots until 2 months after I was diagnosed and I wasn't on the full dose for 6 weeks - it doesn't really start to work for at least a month. What the new lesions mean, though, is that the disease is still active. But since my new symptoms are controlled, I am just going to continue on what I have been doing and, barring any odd episodes, I'll have another MRI in a year
I can live with that.
So, doc...will you change anything on my work restrictions??
He kind of did. He said I have a "neurological condition" and that it caused some "gait unsteadiness". "Climbing or careful balancing might be more difficult" for me. And he said I probably shouldn't chase bad guys over rooftops. Not a problem. Heights are not my favorite thing. And if I encounter a incident that requires me to carefully balance on a
tight rope between buildings, I'm gonna have to call for backup.
Now if I can just get the city doctor to agree....
Monday, October 25, 2010
It's been awhile...
I have been absent from my story for a bit. The written story, anyway. The story has still been with me and a few chapters have been added. So, let's do some catching up...
My brain is still frayed! I'm still giving myself a shot every other day, and I'm up to the full dose. It's really not so bad. The side affects have subsided, and I think the medicine actually warded off a relapse or 2. But really, who knows? Did I have a dizzy spell because of the lesions are because I had a head cold? Or was it because my niece made me roll down the hill over and over? The answer is similar to the question of how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop....The world may never know.
I kinda got side tracked a few days after my last post. Things were going pretty well, I was back to work and spent a nice weekend with my family and best friend. When I got home Sunday afternoon, my door was unlocked. Very, very strange. I always lock my door. I went inside and my couch was moved. Surely the cats didn't get together and move it. I walked to the kitchen....the back door window was broken and all the cabinets were opened. I actually thought to myself, "Wow, that was a weird storm that blew through my house." I blame my inability to see what had actually happened on the lesions.
When I went upstairs to my bedroom and found my bed overturned, every item from every drawer on the floor, I kinda figured it wasn't the cats or a storm. I had become a side of the crime triangle...the victim of a burglary. Well, this is zero good.
If I had written about this right after it happened, you would have read a lot of angry words, some boo-hooing, and why me's? But none of that really does any good. I was mad, I'm sure I cried, and I know I said, "Seriously? Haven't I had enough of a bad year?" But, getting back to my whole "glass 3/4ths full" thing, I will focus on the good parts. I had a friend who dropped everything and came right over, took me to dinner and helped me cover my back door. Other friends and family who helped me clean up. And all of my cats were still in the house. So, once I was able to not jump at every noise in my house or sneak through the house looking like Rambo (that's right, come on in while I'm home...), I got over it. Still, 4 months later and I'm not sure I have everything back where it belongs! Of course, I'm not sure everything was where it belonged in the first place.....
Fast forward to August....I'm not going to go into everything. Frankly, it's still too raw to really talk about, but.... My dad had cancer and got a not so good report. We dealt with it, got through that one.
Then came September....Dad got a his calcium level a little whacked out. Ok, a lot whacked out. Ended up in the hospital. To make a very fast happening story a little faster (just to get it over with), he died on 9/11. He was a fire fighter so the day was appropriate and he did know how to make entrances and exits.
It was the worst thing ever. Still is. My glass has a bit of a leak in it.
Anyway, all this goes back to the question I asked earlier "Hasn't the year been bad enough?". I will never ask that question again. You get what you can deal with, and I suppose one day I will know why my 39th year had to be so bad. One good thing that has come of it is that you are looking at 1 chick who will not complain about turning 40 next September!
So tomorrow, the snarkiness will come back because I have an appointment to the neurologist and he will tell me things like, "Oh, it's too early to tell still." and "I'm not sure yet." But honestly, it's ok. I have learned a lot of lessons so far this year. How to walk with a cane, how to give myself a shot, how to say good-bye.....
Hmmm, shots don't seem so bad anymore. So, appreciate the people around you. Let them know you love them. Don't take anything for granted. Things can change in a second. Make sure you are ready.
My brain is still frayed! I'm still giving myself a shot every other day, and I'm up to the full dose. It's really not so bad. The side affects have subsided, and I think the medicine actually warded off a relapse or 2. But really, who knows? Did I have a dizzy spell because of the lesions are because I had a head cold? Or was it because my niece made me roll down the hill over and over? The answer is similar to the question of how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop....The world may never know.
I kinda got side tracked a few days after my last post. Things were going pretty well, I was back to work and spent a nice weekend with my family and best friend. When I got home Sunday afternoon, my door was unlocked. Very, very strange. I always lock my door. I went inside and my couch was moved. Surely the cats didn't get together and move it. I walked to the kitchen....the back door window was broken and all the cabinets were opened. I actually thought to myself, "Wow, that was a weird storm that blew through my house." I blame my inability to see what had actually happened on the lesions.
When I went upstairs to my bedroom and found my bed overturned, every item from every drawer on the floor, I kinda figured it wasn't the cats or a storm. I had become a side of the crime triangle...the victim of a burglary. Well, this is zero good.
If I had written about this right after it happened, you would have read a lot of angry words, some boo-hooing, and why me's? But none of that really does any good. I was mad, I'm sure I cried, and I know I said, "Seriously? Haven't I had enough of a bad year?" But, getting back to my whole "glass 3/4ths full" thing, I will focus on the good parts. I had a friend who dropped everything and came right over, took me to dinner and helped me cover my back door. Other friends and family who helped me clean up. And all of my cats were still in the house. So, once I was able to not jump at every noise in my house or sneak through the house looking like Rambo (that's right, come on in while I'm home...), I got over it. Still, 4 months later and I'm not sure I have everything back where it belongs! Of course, I'm not sure everything was where it belonged in the first place.....
Fast forward to August....I'm not going to go into everything. Frankly, it's still too raw to really talk about, but.... My dad had cancer and got a not so good report. We dealt with it, got through that one.
Then came September....Dad got a his calcium level a little whacked out. Ok, a lot whacked out. Ended up in the hospital. To make a very fast happening story a little faster (just to get it over with), he died on 9/11. He was a fire fighter so the day was appropriate and he did know how to make entrances and exits.
It was the worst thing ever. Still is. My glass has a bit of a leak in it.
Anyway, all this goes back to the question I asked earlier "Hasn't the year been bad enough?". I will never ask that question again. You get what you can deal with, and I suppose one day I will know why my 39th year had to be so bad. One good thing that has come of it is that you are looking at 1 chick who will not complain about turning 40 next September!
So tomorrow, the snarkiness will come back because I have an appointment to the neurologist and he will tell me things like, "Oh, it's too early to tell still." and "I'm not sure yet." But honestly, it's ok. I have learned a lot of lessons so far this year. How to walk with a cane, how to give myself a shot, how to say good-bye.....
Hmmm, shots don't seem so bad anymore. So, appreciate the people around you. Let them know you love them. Don't take anything for granted. Things can change in a second. Make sure you are ready.
Monday, June 21, 2010
I got chills....
They're multiplyin'.....
But so far, nothing's losing control, thankfully.
I gave myself my 3rd dose this afternoon. Didn't take anything before hand, because I wanted to see what it would do. And, about 4 hours later, I'm feeling a little achy. Nothing too terrible, but I wanted to jot it down in my journal. Goes something like this:
But so far, nothing's losing control, thankfully.
I gave myself my 3rd dose this afternoon. Didn't take anything before hand, because I wanted to see what it would do. And, about 4 hours later, I'm feeling a little achy. Nothing too terrible, but I wanted to jot it down in my journal. Goes something like this:
Dose 3. Achy.
I like to keep it kind of simple, you know.
Do you know what achy means??? That's right! I will be taking some NyQuil soon. And I just bought the mixed berry flavor today. I also picked up some Advil, so before anyone thinks I have a "problem", on Wednesday, I will take the Advil before my dose to try to ward off the symptoms.
And since I'm only on 1/4th of a dose, working my way up to a whole dose, I bought the big bottle of Advil.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Which came first....
The side effects or my hypochondriac-ism??
Dose number one was deep within my system by about 7pm last night. At around 7:30pm, I started feeling a little weird. Tired, achy and I think my head was hot. So by 9pm, I was home, in bed with NyQuil also coursing through my system. By 9:45pm I was fast asleep and missed who won Iron Chef....
So, what caused it?? I had a busy day. Pool therapy in the morning, then I did laundry, followed by a bit of work. I rushed home and got my medicine, then rushed out to meet Renee for dinner. That was a big day. I very easily could have been wiped out by that. Or, it was the medicine. Of course, since I have been accused many times of being a hypochondriac by my siblings, it is possible that just because the nurse told me that it was possible to have flu-like symptoms, I would have them.
So, I'm going to wait to decide....Next dose is Saturday evening.
Dose number one was deep within my system by about 7pm last night. At around 7:30pm, I started feeling a little weird. Tired, achy and I think my head was hot. So by 9pm, I was home, in bed with NyQuil also coursing through my system. By 9:45pm I was fast asleep and missed who won Iron Chef....
So, what caused it?? I had a busy day. Pool therapy in the morning, then I did laundry, followed by a bit of work. I rushed home and got my medicine, then rushed out to meet Renee for dinner. That was a big day. I very easily could have been wiped out by that. Or, it was the medicine. Of course, since I have been accused many times of being a hypochondriac by my siblings, it is possible that just because the nurse told me that it was possible to have flu-like symptoms, I would have them.
So, I'm going to wait to decide....Next dose is Saturday evening.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Oh, happy day....
No, seriously. Happy day! My medication came today! And, as an added bonus, Laurel, the nurse was able to fit me in to show me how to mix up the liquid gold that I will be injecting into my belly. But wait, it keeps getting better! Work let me leave early to meet Laurel, and then....I know, how much better can this get?? I had dinner with Renee! And it was happy hour, so the appetizers were half off! I'm so ok with this MS stuff!! (At least for now....)
So, doing the math, it was exactly 2 months ago today that I was diagnosed with MS. How cool that it was today that I got started on my medicine? I don't believe in accidents....unless you count the time I had a sneezing fit and sort of hit my cruiser into a parked car. That was totally an accident.....
I'm trying to get this episode of my blog out before any adverse symptoms from the medicine start. If I wait too long, this may have a whole different tone to it!
All the equipment they gave me is very cool. Syringes, little vials of medicine, needles, even an auto injector. After practicing giving the shot 4 times, twice with just the syringe and twice with the auto thing, I decided that just giving it with the syringe would be a little easier for me. Luckily I was a vampire before I became a cop, so I have some experience with needles. Of course, I only took blood out, I never put anything in before.
It was time to do the real thing. I attached a couple things, pushed some stuff into a vial, mixed it up, put it in the syringe, put some ice on my belly and finally stalled for a bit and chatted with Laurel. Eventually, though, I had to do it. And, you know....it wasn't bad at all! It's a little needle and the ice numbed my skin so I really didn't feel it much. I think knowing what it is supposed to do for me makes me not mind all that stuff....it probably wouldn't matter if it did hurt.
So now I get to be proactive...I have taken my Advil and my night medicine and hopefully will sleep through the fever and flu-like stuff that 6 out of 10 people get. But, honestly, if it slows down more lesions and the disability part of it, I'll take the flu.
Besides, I love NyQuil, remember??
So, doing the math, it was exactly 2 months ago today that I was diagnosed with MS. How cool that it was today that I got started on my medicine? I don't believe in accidents....unless you count the time I had a sneezing fit and sort of hit my cruiser into a parked car. That was totally an accident.....
I'm trying to get this episode of my blog out before any adverse symptoms from the medicine start. If I wait too long, this may have a whole different tone to it!
All the equipment they gave me is very cool. Syringes, little vials of medicine, needles, even an auto injector. After practicing giving the shot 4 times, twice with just the syringe and twice with the auto thing, I decided that just giving it with the syringe would be a little easier for me. Luckily I was a vampire before I became a cop, so I have some experience with needles. Of course, I only took blood out, I never put anything in before.
It was time to do the real thing. I attached a couple things, pushed some stuff into a vial, mixed it up, put it in the syringe, put some ice on my belly and finally stalled for a bit and chatted with Laurel. Eventually, though, I had to do it. And, you know....it wasn't bad at all! It's a little needle and the ice numbed my skin so I really didn't feel it much. I think knowing what it is supposed to do for me makes me not mind all that stuff....it probably wouldn't matter if it did hurt.
So now I get to be proactive...I have taken my Advil and my night medicine and hopefully will sleep through the fever and flu-like stuff that 6 out of 10 people get. But, honestly, if it slows down more lesions and the disability part of it, I'll take the flu.
Besides, I love NyQuil, remember??
God has a real good sense of humor....
There are plenty of days that God makes me chuckle. Even with everything going on, I realize you have to laugh. Sometimes it's when I get called one of my new nicknames, like Grandma, Invalidy, or Crip (I'm starting my own segment of the gang, Crips...now I just need one of my nemesis' to start the Bloods, and we will be in business).
Then there are the times when the irony of a situation makes you shake your head. This is what happened the day I got to go back to work. My bff, Renee, was told by her doctor that she was not allowed to go to work. You see, she was getting on a horse and something popped in her knee. It's not like she was new to the horse scene, either. She has been riding for many years. But on this particular day, something went a bit wrong.
Actually, it went more than a little bit wrong....She tore her ACL. And now she has to have surgery on Tuesday. This is what the 2 of us look like together.
Aren't we adorable?? She's on crutches and I'm on a cane. 20 years we have known each other and we pretty much agreed that when one of us was weak, the other would be strong....But, I think this is kind of funny. Now after a few weeks of her driving me around, looks like I'll be able to return the favor.
I'll be impressed if we get through the next two months without Tim coming home to find us in a ball unable to get up by ourselves. The bright side to that is that I am sure we will be giggling....
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Patients....Patience....
I always had trouble spelling those words...would always get them confused....Now, I'm one of those patients with not a lot of patience. I have no choice but to learn it....
I am finally allowed to start my MS medication. My doc gave me the choice of 2, Betaseron and Rebif. Those are the 2 with higher potency. He didn't want me with one of the other ones since I wasn't responding to all the other stuff as well as he had hoped. I chose Betaseron. It's been around the longest. The side effects don't seem quite as bad. And it's made from E-coli, not the ovaries of Chinese hamsters....
I got my training kit delivered to me yesterday, and the actual medicine will be here tomorrow. Unfortunately the training nurse can't get here until Monday to show me how to inject myself. This is where the patience part is coming in. I can not wait to start this stuff!!! It's not supposed to help any symptoms I already have, but is supposed to slow the progression of the disease.
I'm a little nervous about it, too. It's supposed to make you feel bad...actually, to quote my doctor, "It's going to be a little rough for a few months." Months? Really? Ok, fine. Let's get it going while I'm still only allowed to work 4 hours a day.
Come on, people! Let's hurry up and slow this stuff down!
I am finally allowed to start my MS medication. My doc gave me the choice of 2, Betaseron and Rebif. Those are the 2 with higher potency. He didn't want me with one of the other ones since I wasn't responding to all the other stuff as well as he had hoped. I chose Betaseron. It's been around the longest. The side effects don't seem quite as bad. And it's made from E-coli, not the ovaries of Chinese hamsters....
I got my training kit delivered to me yesterday, and the actual medicine will be here tomorrow. Unfortunately the training nurse can't get here until Monday to show me how to inject myself. This is where the patience part is coming in. I can not wait to start this stuff!!! It's not supposed to help any symptoms I already have, but is supposed to slow the progression of the disease.
I'm a little nervous about it, too. It's supposed to make you feel bad...actually, to quote my doctor, "It's going to be a little rough for a few months." Months? Really? Ok, fine. Let's get it going while I'm still only allowed to work 4 hours a day.
Come on, people! Let's hurry up and slow this stuff down!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
A whole different kind of therapy...
Since I am working on getting my body all fixed up, and since it's my brain that is all whacked out, it's probably a good idea to go talk to someone.
I have been a proponent for going to a mind-doctor for some time. I think it's healthy to talk to someone who is totally impartial and not afraid to tell you what you need to hear. I started going a few years ago when I had a lot of changes going on in my life. Compared to the changes going on now, they were nothing, but it turned out that talking was a good thing. He helped me see things in a different light, and I really think I have healthier relationships now. I learned to speak my mind a little more and realize that it's ok to say "no" sometimes.
I don't go too often. Now I just go when I need a little "tweaking" in my head. Or when something big happens. The last 2 times I went were work related....a chick jumped off an overpass on the expressway in front of me and died after getting hit by several cars, and when those 2 babies were murdered.
So this MS business is kind of big. So I thought I should make a visit. Here are a few things that I learned that I think can be helpful in a lot of different situations.
Sometimes you have to take things in little chunks. Looking at the big picture will just drive me nuts. When my doctor tells me that it's too early to tell about a lot of things, it makes me crazy. So with a bit of will power and some prayer, I realize I can't look too far into the future. I don't know if I will be able to be a street cop again. And I really have no idea when that may happen, or when I will have an answer one way or the other. But I can focus on going to work this week and doing a good job.
This also helped me a lot when thinking about my house. Part of me is glad that I have it and the other part of me can't seem to forget that some bad things happened to me while I have lived there. That may be part of the reason that I couldn't care less what my yard looks like (much to my neighbors chagrin...). But if I put the past behind me and realize that I can't change any of that, and that it is my house now, I do a bit better. So, while Cheyenne was cutting my grass, I pulled a small area of weeds. And since I saw some progress, I pulled a few more the next day. And the next. Then, I actually planted some grass! So, that brings me to my next point....
Stop living in the past... I have finally figured out that it does you absolutely no good. I figure that everything happens for a reason, good and bad stuff. And that all of that stuff puts you in exactly the place that God wants you to be. So, that answers the last question the doctor asked me.....
Are you angry? Well, how can I be, if I really believe that God has a plan for me and this is all part of it? Then I would have to admit that I'm angry at God, and honestly, He has done way too much for me to be mad at him.
Seriously? What good would it do me to lay in a fetal position and cry all the time? And who would want to be around me? I would even want to get away from myself.
I have tried to run from myself (and God) in the past....it never works.
I have been a proponent for going to a mind-doctor for some time. I think it's healthy to talk to someone who is totally impartial and not afraid to tell you what you need to hear. I started going a few years ago when I had a lot of changes going on in my life. Compared to the changes going on now, they were nothing, but it turned out that talking was a good thing. He helped me see things in a different light, and I really think I have healthier relationships now. I learned to speak my mind a little more and realize that it's ok to say "no" sometimes.
I don't go too often. Now I just go when I need a little "tweaking" in my head. Or when something big happens. The last 2 times I went were work related....a chick jumped off an overpass on the expressway in front of me and died after getting hit by several cars, and when those 2 babies were murdered.
So this MS business is kind of big. So I thought I should make a visit. Here are a few things that I learned that I think can be helpful in a lot of different situations.
Sometimes you have to take things in little chunks. Looking at the big picture will just drive me nuts. When my doctor tells me that it's too early to tell about a lot of things, it makes me crazy. So with a bit of will power and some prayer, I realize I can't look too far into the future. I don't know if I will be able to be a street cop again. And I really have no idea when that may happen, or when I will have an answer one way or the other. But I can focus on going to work this week and doing a good job.
This also helped me a lot when thinking about my house. Part of me is glad that I have it and the other part of me can't seem to forget that some bad things happened to me while I have lived there. That may be part of the reason that I couldn't care less what my yard looks like (much to my neighbors chagrin...). But if I put the past behind me and realize that I can't change any of that, and that it is my house now, I do a bit better. So, while Cheyenne was cutting my grass, I pulled a small area of weeds. And since I saw some progress, I pulled a few more the next day. And the next. Then, I actually planted some grass! So, that brings me to my next point....
Stop living in the past... I have finally figured out that it does you absolutely no good. I figure that everything happens for a reason, good and bad stuff. And that all of that stuff puts you in exactly the place that God wants you to be. So, that answers the last question the doctor asked me.....
Are you angry? Well, how can I be, if I really believe that God has a plan for me and this is all part of it? Then I would have to admit that I'm angry at God, and honestly, He has done way too much for me to be mad at him.
Seriously? What good would it do me to lay in a fetal position and cry all the time? And who would want to be around me? I would even want to get away from myself.
I have tried to run from myself (and God) in the past....it never works.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Back to work...
I have been back to work for a little over a week now. I am so happy. I was beginning to feel a little worthless with all this sitting around. Now, I get to go to work and sit around...and answer the phone about 100 times a day! But, I'm really ok with that. I think when you have a forced sabbatical that lasts 6 weeks, anything would be a good thing.
I am only working 4 hours a day right now. I kind of had to beg my doctor for that. And make a trip to EHS (Employee Health Services), everyone's favorite place. The doctor was really nice and didn't have a problem with anything my doctor said. He said whatever restrictions my doctor puts on me he will agree with. I'm guessing since I am using my own time, he really doesn't care how long I am off....
Work does tire me out a bit. I can't decide if it's actually from the work, or all the talking I do. Once I am around people and talk non-stop without taking a breath, I realize what being by yourself for the majority of the time does to you. Now I'm just trying to not get on anyone's nerves (too much)!
I started a new medication last week. Neurotin. It's an anti-seizure medicine that is supposed to turn the volume down in my brain a bit, which should help with the tremors and uncontrollable muscle twitches that are going on right now, especially when I try to fall asleep. It's amazing how much it has helped. It's not taking everything away, but it has cut them down so I can sleep. I am so happy. When you are able to sleep, everything seems better.
There is a downside to the drug. It makes me have wacky dreams. The first few nights, I woke up with disturbing ones, not exactly nightmares, but a bit scary. Then the dreams turned into just plain strange. I can handle strange....Then, something very odd happened. I dreamt in my dream that I was laughing. Next thing I know, I realize I am awake and cracking up. Not just a smile or a chuckle, but a belly laugh. I actually woke myself up laughing. To those that know me well, you probably aren't completely surprised by this.....
For the rest of you...well, now you know I'm nuts, too....
I am only working 4 hours a day right now. I kind of had to beg my doctor for that. And make a trip to EHS (Employee Health Services), everyone's favorite place. The doctor was really nice and didn't have a problem with anything my doctor said. He said whatever restrictions my doctor puts on me he will agree with. I'm guessing since I am using my own time, he really doesn't care how long I am off....
Work does tire me out a bit. I can't decide if it's actually from the work, or all the talking I do. Once I am around people and talk non-stop without taking a breath, I realize what being by yourself for the majority of the time does to you. Now I'm just trying to not get on anyone's nerves (too much)!
I started a new medication last week. Neurotin. It's an anti-seizure medicine that is supposed to turn the volume down in my brain a bit, which should help with the tremors and uncontrollable muscle twitches that are going on right now, especially when I try to fall asleep. It's amazing how much it has helped. It's not taking everything away, but it has cut them down so I can sleep. I am so happy. When you are able to sleep, everything seems better.
There is a downside to the drug. It makes me have wacky dreams. The first few nights, I woke up with disturbing ones, not exactly nightmares, but a bit scary. Then the dreams turned into just plain strange. I can handle strange....Then, something very odd happened. I dreamt in my dream that I was laughing. Next thing I know, I realize I am awake and cracking up. Not just a smile or a chuckle, but a belly laugh. I actually woke myself up laughing. To those that know me well, you probably aren't completely surprised by this.....
For the rest of you...well, now you know I'm nuts, too....
Monday, June 7, 2010
What kind of specialist will I be?
"A special, specialist...."
Know what that is from? Jeff Dunham asking Achmed, the dead terrorist, what kind of terrorist he is...."A terrifying, terrorist...."
Anyhoo....It's May 26th and I'm getting promoted to Police Specialist, finally! When I took the test back in March, it was all I wanted. After studying for 9 months last time, only to be 4th on the list, when only 3 were promoted, I had a big vendetta against it. There was no way I wasn't going to get it this time. Studied for at least 6 months this time...got 4 points higher than last time, too. I was pretty darn happy.
Then April came and the promotion wasn't what I wanted most. I wanted to be able to walk to the bathroom by myself. Read without getting dizzy. Not have to use a walker. And drive. Luckily, God is great and I got all of those and the promotion!
But, on the morning of the promotion, I'm realizing what stress and nerves do to someone with MS. I stayed at my southern home (Renee and Tim's house) the night before. She started driving that night, I think I was scaring her a bit. Frankly, I was starting to scare myself, so I was quite happy to hand over the keys to her.
That morning as I was getting ready for the ceremony, my hands were shaking out of control and I was so dizzy. I had read how things can affect the disease, but it really hit home when Renee had to pull me out of the path of 2 cars and I fell off of the steps at the Academy. Nice. It wasn't like I didn't attract enough attention, since I was the only one who couldn't wear the dress uniform and that little cane that holds me up....
It was a nice ceremony. Most of my family and several friends came. And when I found out we had to say a few words after we were sworn in, I got to use my line, "Well, I always said I had a big brain, now I have the test scores and the MRI films to prove it." I am such a dork....
But no matter....I'm promoted, got to keep the "159" part of my badge number and we had Mexican food for lunch.
Know what that is from? Jeff Dunham asking Achmed, the dead terrorist, what kind of terrorist he is...."A terrifying, terrorist...."
Anyhoo....It's May 26th and I'm getting promoted to Police Specialist, finally! When I took the test back in March, it was all I wanted. After studying for 9 months last time, only to be 4th on the list, when only 3 were promoted, I had a big vendetta against it. There was no way I wasn't going to get it this time. Studied for at least 6 months this time...got 4 points higher than last time, too. I was pretty darn happy.
Then April came and the promotion wasn't what I wanted most. I wanted to be able to walk to the bathroom by myself. Read without getting dizzy. Not have to use a walker. And drive. Luckily, God is great and I got all of those and the promotion!
But, on the morning of the promotion, I'm realizing what stress and nerves do to someone with MS. I stayed at my southern home (Renee and Tim's house) the night before. She started driving that night, I think I was scaring her a bit. Frankly, I was starting to scare myself, so I was quite happy to hand over the keys to her.
That morning as I was getting ready for the ceremony, my hands were shaking out of control and I was so dizzy. I had read how things can affect the disease, but it really hit home when Renee had to pull me out of the path of 2 cars and I fell off of the steps at the Academy. Nice. It wasn't like I didn't attract enough attention, since I was the only one who couldn't wear the dress uniform and that little cane that holds me up....
It was a nice ceremony. Most of my family and several friends came. And when I found out we had to say a few words after we were sworn in, I got to use my line, "Well, I always said I had a big brain, now I have the test scores and the MRI films to prove it." I am such a dork....
But no matter....I'm promoted, got to keep the "159" part of my badge number and we had Mexican food for lunch.
New Symptoms?? Whatcha talkin' about, brain?
Dear Brain,
Hey, how are you doing? I'm doing ok. Getting used to all that you are throwing at me right now. Really getting good with my cane, don't you think?
I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate that I'm not quite as dizzy now. Still have a few issues, but really thanks a lot that the room doesn't spin so much. Oh, and it's great that I can taste lemon a little more! You know how much I love lemon...
Um, I am not really sure how to say this, but I was wondering if it would be possible for you to calm yourself down just a bit. I know I don't have to get up and go to work yet, but really, all the muscle spasms and twitching makes it kind of hard for me to get to sleep. And if you could maybe settle the tremors down a little so my hands don't shake so much, that would be cool. I do carry a gun from time to time.
Not to play hardball, but I thought I should give you the chance to fix yourself before I go back to the doctor next week....
Thanks a lot. Talk to you soon,
Love,
Mary
Hey, how are you doing? I'm doing ok. Getting used to all that you are throwing at me right now. Really getting good with my cane, don't you think?
I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate that I'm not quite as dizzy now. Still have a few issues, but really thanks a lot that the room doesn't spin so much. Oh, and it's great that I can taste lemon a little more! You know how much I love lemon...
Um, I am not really sure how to say this, but I was wondering if it would be possible for you to calm yourself down just a bit. I know I don't have to get up and go to work yet, but really, all the muscle spasms and twitching makes it kind of hard for me to get to sleep. And if you could maybe settle the tremors down a little so my hands don't shake so much, that would be cool. I do carry a gun from time to time.
Not to play hardball, but I thought I should give you the chance to fix yourself before I go back to the doctor next week....
Thanks a lot. Talk to you soon,
Love,
Mary
Let's get physical.....
The week after I finished my home IV, I started outpatient physical therapy. My first appointment was for about 60 minutes and started at 7:30 in the morning.
I got to Mercy Hospital's Healthplex. Very cool place. They have a lot of different therapy programs, along with a nice looking gym.
When I got there, I signed in, and sat down. You can see the gym from the PT waiting area. I realized that I definitely was the youngest person there. Confirmation of that came when I paid attention to the music that was playing. "That's Amore" by Dean Martin was on. I suppose it was the equivalent of playing '80s music for me....Anyway, I was getting a funny feeling about my visit.
I know all of my frustration about this is because of all the unknowns that are surrounding me. Talking to the physical therapist, she asks me what kind of a cop I am. I tell her on patrol and she gingerly tells me that she doubts that my balance will get back to where I was. Translation: She doesn't think I will be able to go back out on the street. Even though I thought that was probably an option, my stomach dropped a little. I leave with a schedule for the next couple of weeks and lots of fun balance exercises.
I just could not go home. Spending too much time by myself was not a good thing for me. So I go for a drive, listening to melancholy music. (I'm probably going to have to double up on the Prozac this morning....)
After a quick prayer that Lisa was not in a meeting and free for lunch, she answered the phone. Yes, lunch was on. Thank goodness....
It started with me crumpled in the booth, with her hoping I wasn't going to cry in public. I was hoping that, also. But the right ridiculous question made me crack up, and all was semi-right with the universe again. And the egg salad was pretty good.
I got to Mercy Hospital's Healthplex. Very cool place. They have a lot of different therapy programs, along with a nice looking gym.
When I got there, I signed in, and sat down. You can see the gym from the PT waiting area. I realized that I definitely was the youngest person there. Confirmation of that came when I paid attention to the music that was playing. "That's Amore" by Dean Martin was on. I suppose it was the equivalent of playing '80s music for me....Anyway, I was getting a funny feeling about my visit.
I know all of my frustration about this is because of all the unknowns that are surrounding me. Talking to the physical therapist, she asks me what kind of a cop I am. I tell her on patrol and she gingerly tells me that she doubts that my balance will get back to where I was. Translation: She doesn't think I will be able to go back out on the street. Even though I thought that was probably an option, my stomach dropped a little. I leave with a schedule for the next couple of weeks and lots of fun balance exercises.
I just could not go home. Spending too much time by myself was not a good thing for me. So I go for a drive, listening to melancholy music. (I'm probably going to have to double up on the Prozac this morning....)
After a quick prayer that Lisa was not in a meeting and free for lunch, she answered the phone. Yes, lunch was on. Thank goodness....
It started with me crumpled in the booth, with her hoping I wasn't going to cry in public. I was hoping that, also. But the right ridiculous question made me crack up, and all was semi-right with the universe again. And the egg salad was pretty good.
A whole lot of tossin' and turnin' going on
When I was in the hospital and getting this medicine, they also gave me a sleeping pill. I got 6 good hours of sleep each night. I forgot about this until about 6AM the morning after my first at home infusion, when I was still awake....
The insomnia was painful! I finally slept for about 4 hours before it was time to get up and do the 2nd infusion. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to hit the Nyquil for the next 2 doses. I have a bit of a love affair with Nyquil, especially since I have found Walgreen's Mixed Berry flavor. Lovely, just lovely.
I finally figured out how to take a shower without getting my IV wet. At least part of my brain is still working.
The insomnia was painful! I finally slept for about 4 hours before it was time to get up and do the 2nd infusion. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to hit the Nyquil for the next 2 doses. I have a bit of a love affair with Nyquil, especially since I have found Walgreen's Mixed Berry flavor. Lovely, just lovely.
I finally figured out how to take a shower without getting my IV wet. At least part of my brain is still working.
Check that out! A large freezer bag with a lot of tape on it. I'll worry about pulling off all that tape when I'm clean again.....
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Let the games begin
I wake up to find a big box of medical supplies on my doorstep. Let's see what's inside...
It's a give-yourself-an-IV kit. How fun! I sit and stare at the contents for about an hour waiting for the nurse to get here to start the line. I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to function for the next 3 days with this in my hand and I realize it beats being in the hospital, so I'll figure out how to deal.
This is what it looks like when I'm getting the infusion.
This is what my refrigerator will look like for the weekend. I thought the bottles of medicine looked cute next to the yogurt.
Anyway, back to the infusion....It's quite interesting to do this yourself. First, you have to flush the line with saline. Then you just hook up the little bottle. The medicine is in a little balloon. When the balloon goes flat, it's all done.
Of course there are other clues that the Solu-Medrol is coursing through my veins. My arm is stinging uncontrollably and my mouth has a terrible metallic taste in it. Nothing tastes right the entire day. Even water is whacked out. I can't sleep. And finally, my heart feels like it's going to jump out of my chest.
All of this would be worth it, if it took down the inflammation in my brain. After the 1st dose, no change.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
"If you are calling about a cat or dog, please press 2."
I went to my most trusted coping mechanism the afternoon/evening of my appointment and into the next day. Sleeping. Does wonders for me.
I slept through a voicemail from the drug company that was going to send me the miracle drug. When I called them back, I got the main menu. "Thank you for calling SBH Medical. If you are a Veterinarian, please press 1. If you are calling about a cat or a dog, please press 2." I wish I was making this up. I listened to all the menu options and didn't hear anything like, "If you are a human, please press 8.", so I just started pressing numbers until I got someone. Luckily, she was nice.
My medicine will arrive in the morning by Federal Express.
My home health vet, uh, I mean, nurse will get there shortly after.
I slept through a voicemail from the drug company that was going to send me the miracle drug. When I called them back, I got the main menu. "Thank you for calling SBH Medical. If you are a Veterinarian, please press 1. If you are calling about a cat or a dog, please press 2." I wish I was making this up. I listened to all the menu options and didn't hear anything like, "If you are a human, please press 8.", so I just started pressing numbers until I got someone. Luckily, she was nice.
My medicine will arrive in the morning by Federal Express.
My home health vet, uh, I mean, nurse will get there shortly after.
Not what I had hoped...or expected
I have been putting off writing about my doctor's appointment for a couple of reasons. It didn't go the way I wanted or the way I expected. And if I told people about it, it would become real. I'm quite happy living in a fantasy world.
My appointment was last Wednesday morning. I got to UC in plenty of time, armed with a list of questions and a second set of ears (Kat). I wanted to know if I could go back to work in some capacity. I knew being on the streets was still out of the question. I also wanted to know more about how this whole disease thing was going to go. Surely, they had an idea by now, right?
I usually don't get to nervous going to doctors, but I knew when we were in the waiting room and the magazine was full of Star Wars pictures that something wasn't right. Star Wars has never failed to get my attention until now. I'm in trouble.
The doc comes in and we discuss how I'm feeling about the same as when I left the hospital...able to get around, but still dizzy with no balance. He is surprised I'm not better. I'm not surprised, though. Th medicine didn't start working in the hospital when it was supposed to and everything I read tells me that if you have balance, coordination problems and cerebellar involvement, you aren't going to have an easy go of it. Supposedly, those are the hardest symptoms to treat. I don't like doing things the easy way.
He watches me walk down the hall. Apparently, I look like someone who is drunk but is trying to act like they are not drunk. Then I do the heel to toe walk. Kat tells me I'm under arrest! I'm super amused.
We checked out my MRI again. I have little spots scattered throughout my brain. Then there is a big spot, probably the size of a half dollar on the left side of my cerebellum, attached to my brain stem. Doc says if it wasn't for that spot, I would be fine. How surreal it was to look at a computer screen with images of my brain on it. Part of me still doesn't believe it.
I have one big question....since I feel like I'm at a plateau, will this be my baseline? "I don't know", doc says. I would honestly be fine with that. It's the not knowing that is driving me bonkers. You could tell me I need to have to have a foot amputated next week, and since I know that is what is going to happen, I would be ok, because I could deal with it. How exactly do you deal with something when no one has any answers?
The rest of my questions got the same sort of answers....I don't know, or, it's too early to tell. What I do know:
I guess the home health people can shred my discharge papers...
My appointment was last Wednesday morning. I got to UC in plenty of time, armed with a list of questions and a second set of ears (Kat). I wanted to know if I could go back to work in some capacity. I knew being on the streets was still out of the question. I also wanted to know more about how this whole disease thing was going to go. Surely, they had an idea by now, right?
I usually don't get to nervous going to doctors, but I knew when we were in the waiting room and the magazine was full of Star Wars pictures that something wasn't right. Star Wars has never failed to get my attention until now. I'm in trouble.
The doc comes in and we discuss how I'm feeling about the same as when I left the hospital...able to get around, but still dizzy with no balance. He is surprised I'm not better. I'm not surprised, though. Th medicine didn't start working in the hospital when it was supposed to and everything I read tells me that if you have balance, coordination problems and cerebellar involvement, you aren't going to have an easy go of it. Supposedly, those are the hardest symptoms to treat. I don't like doing things the easy way.
He watches me walk down the hall. Apparently, I look like someone who is drunk but is trying to act like they are not drunk. Then I do the heel to toe walk. Kat tells me I'm under arrest! I'm super amused.
We checked out my MRI again. I have little spots scattered throughout my brain. Then there is a big spot, probably the size of a half dollar on the left side of my cerebellum, attached to my brain stem. Doc says if it wasn't for that spot, I would be fine. How surreal it was to look at a computer screen with images of my brain on it. Part of me still doesn't believe it.
I have one big question....since I feel like I'm at a plateau, will this be my baseline? "I don't know", doc says. I would honestly be fine with that. It's the not knowing that is driving me bonkers. You could tell me I need to have to have a foot amputated next week, and since I know that is what is going to happen, I would be ok, because I could deal with it. How exactly do you deal with something when no one has any answers?
The rest of my questions got the same sort of answers....I don't know, or, it's too early to tell. What I do know:
- I still can't go to work. I really thought he would say I can sit on the desk for at least a few hours a day, but he says I'm not ready yet. That totally caught me off guard.
- I will go back in a month
- Repeat the MRI in June
- 3 days of IV medicine at my house starting now.
I guess the home health people can shred my discharge papers...
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Week Three...Not that I'm counting.
I'm getting there. My third week of being "homebound" and it's not really that bad. I get to get out pretty regularly. I'm able to keep my house pretty organized. But I'm starting to miss work. It sounds really nice to not have to worry about it, but after a while, it's boring to be home by yourself all the time.
So, I decide to visit District 1. I really can't say enough great things about the people I work with and my bosses. They could have been half as nice as they have been to me and I still would have thought they went over and beyond what they needed to do for me. I was so worried about not being there. Yet, every time I see them, they completely put me at ease and remind me that work is the last thing I needed to worry about. We really are a family. We may get on each others nerves once in a while, but when something happens people really do step up. I'm eternally grateful.
Two more visits from the nurse and Jim this week. It appears I'm going to get discharged from their care, and will be able to go to outpatient PT. Seems like a step in the right direction. Jim reevaluates me on the Tinneti scale and still considers me a bit of a fall risk but not as bad. Baby steps...I'll take it.
So, after Jim gets my referral for outpatient PT, he recommends discharge for me. I guess his job was to make sure I could safely maneuver myself around my house. Now that I can do that, the outpatient stuff will hopefully make me a bit steadier and deal with my balance and incoordination problems a little better.
The next day, the nurse comes out to officially discharge me. What a happy day! I'm not homebound anymore, even though I am still not driving, but it makes me feel better.
I have a little tiny setback the evening of my discharge. I feel like I'm getting dizzy again at night. I felt for awhile that I am probably always dizzy, but since your body's systems compensate for things like this, I figure I'm just getting used to it. But on this night, things start moving just a bit again and when I close my eyes I can feel myself spinning. The doc said the medicine I got in the hospital should work for about 6 weeks. Of course they were supposed to start working after the 2nd dose and didn't. I'm guessing I'm just going to be a little difficult.
But my visit to Dr. Kanter is in 2 days! I can't wait.
So, I decide to visit District 1. I really can't say enough great things about the people I work with and my bosses. They could have been half as nice as they have been to me and I still would have thought they went over and beyond what they needed to do for me. I was so worried about not being there. Yet, every time I see them, they completely put me at ease and remind me that work is the last thing I needed to worry about. We really are a family. We may get on each others nerves once in a while, but when something happens people really do step up. I'm eternally grateful.
Two more visits from the nurse and Jim this week. It appears I'm going to get discharged from their care, and will be able to go to outpatient PT. Seems like a step in the right direction. Jim reevaluates me on the Tinneti scale and still considers me a bit of a fall risk but not as bad. Baby steps...I'll take it.
So, after Jim gets my referral for outpatient PT, he recommends discharge for me. I guess his job was to make sure I could safely maneuver myself around my house. Now that I can do that, the outpatient stuff will hopefully make me a bit steadier and deal with my balance and incoordination problems a little better.
The next day, the nurse comes out to officially discharge me. What a happy day! I'm not homebound anymore, even though I am still not driving, but it makes me feel better.
I have a little tiny setback the evening of my discharge. I feel like I'm getting dizzy again at night. I felt for awhile that I am probably always dizzy, but since your body's systems compensate for things like this, I figure I'm just getting used to it. But on this night, things start moving just a bit again and when I close my eyes I can feel myself spinning. The doc said the medicine I got in the hospital should work for about 6 weeks. Of course they were supposed to start working after the 2nd dose and didn't. I'm guessing I'm just going to be a little difficult.
But my visit to Dr. Kanter is in 2 days! I can't wait.
Week Two....or "Puttin' on the Ritz"
Same visits, just a different week. I managed to get a cane in hopes that sometime this week Jim would help me to use it.
He comes bearing gifts of more and more exercises. And now we are taking walks around my yard. My nystagmus is still messed up and we work on that a bit. He says that if my eyes settle down a bit and I eventually don't get too dizzy when I turn my head, I can probably practice driving. He suggests that I have someone take me to a parking lot where I can't hurt anyone, for the first time. Definitely a good idea. I'm getting there, and I really want to try, but I'm nervous. I don't think I'm quite ready.
But I get some super good news during his next visit! He thinks I can start using my cane! I'm a little wobbly at first, but he teaches me the correct technique and I get it pretty fast. Just hanging up my walker makes me feel great. My first goal has been reached! Baby steps are really working out for me. If I don't take it in small chunks, I will probably feel like I am getting no where. But the cane was a huge step for me! Now if I can just get you people to play the song, "Puttin' on the Ritz" by Taco for me when I walk into a room. Hmmm....a song by a group named after a mexican food??? Seeing a pattern here?
Saturday, May 15, 2010
My First Week Home...
My nurse and physical therapist visits begin. The nurse comes in the morning to check my vitals to make sure that I am fit for Physical therapy. Jim, the physical therapist, comes in the afternoon. The first week, he gives me several balance exercises to do. They don't seem like they should be that difficult, but my right side is still very weak and I don't do too well on them. It's very frustrating, because l look at them and think, "I should be able to do this!". Anytime I see someone, I make them do the exercises. I guess I just need proof that someone else can do them and that this really is happening to me. It's still hard to comprehend.
Jim evaluates my balance abilities based on the Tinneti Balance Scale. A little walking, a little nudging to see if I will fall down and it ends with me still being a fall risk. I figured. I'm still needing the walker for a bit longer.
I like to practice my exercises in front of people. It's funny to watch their faces when I start to tumble. I feel like I'm a carnival act..."Step right up and watch the lady tumble..." Usually my act ends with a "If you fall down, I'm going to beat you up." or "Will you please just sit down! You are making me nervous." Fine. Y'all are no fun.
But, I keep working on my exercises and Jim comes back in a couple days. Adds some new ones, and I'll tell you, they are wearing me out! But I am improving a bit. The best thing is that I have not fallen in awhile, and when I lose my balance, I have learned to catch myself. Apparently, that is why I am doing therapy. Not that it will get my balance back, if my cerebellum is permanently messed up, that won't happen. But, if I can learn to deal with it and not fall down, that's OK. If only I could drive....
I wish I could explain how difficult it is to try to learn to do easy things over again. I have to really talk to my brain and basically will it to make my right food do things that should be easy. Like standing on just my right foot and going up on my toes. Not happening. I stumble and can hardly do it while holding on to something. And because I sometimes stick my tongue out when I really concentrate, I bite it a lot.
Good thing it's on the side I can't feel.
Jim evaluates my balance abilities based on the Tinneti Balance Scale. A little walking, a little nudging to see if I will fall down and it ends with me still being a fall risk. I figured. I'm still needing the walker for a bit longer.
I like to practice my exercises in front of people. It's funny to watch their faces when I start to tumble. I feel like I'm a carnival act..."Step right up and watch the lady tumble..." Usually my act ends with a "If you fall down, I'm going to beat you up." or "Will you please just sit down! You are making me nervous." Fine. Y'all are no fun.
But, I keep working on my exercises and Jim comes back in a couple days. Adds some new ones, and I'll tell you, they are wearing me out! But I am improving a bit. The best thing is that I have not fallen in awhile, and when I lose my balance, I have learned to catch myself. Apparently, that is why I am doing therapy. Not that it will get my balance back, if my cerebellum is permanently messed up, that won't happen. But, if I can learn to deal with it and not fall down, that's OK. If only I could drive....
I wish I could explain how difficult it is to try to learn to do easy things over again. I have to really talk to my brain and basically will it to make my right food do things that should be easy. Like standing on just my right foot and going up on my toes. Not happening. I stumble and can hardly do it while holding on to something. And because I sometimes stick my tongue out when I really concentrate, I bite it a lot.
Good thing it's on the side I can't feel.
Friday, May 14, 2010
I'm pretty lucky
When something bad happens to you, or at least for me, I find it a little difficult to ask for help. I'm pretty good at dishing it out, but I really don't want to be a burden (apparently, I get that from my aunt, Sissy). But at the same time, I realize how lucky I am to have the friends and family I have, because people are jumping out of the woodwork to offer me help! And just so you know, I don't offer if I don't mean it, so I'll assume the same is for you. None of this, "I'm available between 7:30 and 7:35 in the morning" (Kisha!).
I already wrote about some people, but let me give you a few more examples....I really wanted to go to the store. But I really didn't want to have to ask. So after sitting with my phone in my hand and thinking about it way to long, I called Carol. Who came right over. We went to the store and then to lunch. And while we were eating, her husband Joe, called to see if I needed my grass cut. Um, when do I not need it cut?? He has cut it for me at least 2 times since this started and the yard looks great!
Then the other night, my cell phone charger won't work. Because it is frayed. Like the nerves in my brain.
Not a super picture, but the example they give you to explain what is happening with your myelin is a frayed wire. I thought it was appropriate.
Anyhoo...My phone was dead, I couldn't get my charger to work, and I had one of my nurses to call in the morning. I had to send a message on Facebook to Stephanie, who was thankfully working (although probably still would have come even if she wasn't). I'm so glad I live in the beat she runs. She and Jen came over and went to the store to buy me a new charger. And since they were there, some cat food. What saviors they were for me that night!
My mom would send me home with groceries. Dad gives me his Opera Cream candies. Laura, Jeff and Bill pick me up and take me home pretty much anytime I ask. Bridget and John are up all hours of the night to chat. Evynn, my almost 3yo niece keeps pulling my head down and moving my hair around trying to find my boo boo....
Yeah, things could be worse.
You call me Grandma one more time....and a trip to the Thompson B&B
It's the weekend! Not that it matters so much for me except I get to go out today. Going to lunch with Lisa and Logan. Mexican, of course. It's a bit crowded out and again I'm a little uncomfortable with my walker. I don't want to be, but I am. Lisa may have noticed this, I'm not sure, but either way, when she called me "Grandma", it pretty much made me crack up and threaten her with physical violence as soon as I could manage it. Salsa and laughter really make things right with the world.
After lunch, I went home to get ready for my trip to Pendleton County, KY! I pretend it 's my southern house. Tim and Renee picked me up so I could stay at their house. I tease them that it is like a Bed and Breakfast. I just have to sit there and they bring me food. And the Strawberry Shortcake Renee makes...to die for! Of course, when I can walk to the barn without Renee holding my hand, I'm sure I'll be working in the horse stalls again. But I'll take the pampering while I can!
Besides the relaxing and good food at Renee's, the other reason I wanted to stay was so I could go to church the next day. It was one week I did not want to miss. One of our past pastors, Curt Degraaff, would be preaching and I adore him. Calvary Baptist has really been blessed with great preachers.
Renee got threatened with violence, also. She saw one of those scooters and said, "That's next!". I think the threats didn't really work, though. While I was scolding her, I ran my walker into the wall. But, perhaps because of that, people let me cut in line to see Pastor Curt. I'm kind of diggin' the walker license! (Tim wants to use the license to get him on all the rides at Kings Island without waiting....)
The day continued great. Tim and Renee handed me off to my family and I got to see everyone. We had a great dinner and were just generally silly. My niece enjoyed helping me walk by getting behind me and pushing my walker for me. It was very cute, "I'll help Meeps!"
The weekend was a super time compared to my stay at the hospital and the upcoming week of physical therapy. But, I really want to ditch this walker, so bring it!
After lunch, I went home to get ready for my trip to Pendleton County, KY! I pretend it 's my southern house. Tim and Renee picked me up so I could stay at their house. I tease them that it is like a Bed and Breakfast. I just have to sit there and they bring me food. And the Strawberry Shortcake Renee makes...to die for! Of course, when I can walk to the barn without Renee holding my hand, I'm sure I'll be working in the horse stalls again. But I'll take the pampering while I can!
Besides the relaxing and good food at Renee's, the other reason I wanted to stay was so I could go to church the next day. It was one week I did not want to miss. One of our past pastors, Curt Degraaff, would be preaching and I adore him. Calvary Baptist has really been blessed with great preachers.
Renee got threatened with violence, also. She saw one of those scooters and said, "That's next!". I think the threats didn't really work, though. While I was scolding her, I ran my walker into the wall. But, perhaps because of that, people let me cut in line to see Pastor Curt. I'm kind of diggin' the walker license! (Tim wants to use the license to get him on all the rides at Kings Island without waiting....)
The day continued great. Tim and Renee handed me off to my family and I got to see everyone. We had a great dinner and were just generally silly. My niece enjoyed helping me walk by getting behind me and pushing my walker for me. It was very cute, "I'll help Meeps!"
The weekend was a super time compared to my stay at the hospital and the upcoming week of physical therapy. But, I really want to ditch this walker, so bring it!
Homebound? Seriously??
The home health company stopped by today to admit me to their care and set up nursing and physical therapist visits. She asked me a bunch of crazy questions, did the vitals thing and gave me a bunch of paperwork.
Then she tells me, "Since you are homebound, something, something, something." I didn't hear anything after homebound. I guess it was just a word game...Technically, I couldn't drive or walk without assistance. I was stuck at home. I guess that makes me homebound. It was just weird to hear it. But hopefully it was only for a couple of weeks.
The nurse's best friend has MS. I have friends that have MS and it seems that a lot of people know someone with it. Which makes it all the more frustrating when no one can predict the course the disease will take. Everyone seems to start out with a different set of symptoms and there really isn't one treatment course that works. Everything I read says not to compare yourself with anyone else.
Leave it to me to get something difficult.
Then she tells me, "Since you are homebound, something, something, something." I didn't hear anything after homebound. I guess it was just a word game...Technically, I couldn't drive or walk without assistance. I was stuck at home. I guess that makes me homebound. It was just weird to hear it. But hopefully it was only for a couple of weeks.
The nurse's best friend has MS. I have friends that have MS and it seems that a lot of people know someone with it. Which makes it all the more frustrating when no one can predict the course the disease will take. Everyone seems to start out with a different set of symptoms and there really isn't one treatment course that works. Everything I read says not to compare yourself with anyone else.
Leave it to me to get something difficult.
Home...a new kind of captivity
After 5 days away, it was wonderful to be back in my own house. Just that made my mood 10 times better. My cats were afraid of my walker, though, and seemed not too happy that I deserted them for so long.
That whole story about me staying on 1 floor just was not going to work. I was going to sleep in my own bed and use the regular bathroom! Kat stayed with me for most of the day and offered to spend the night, and as much fun as a slumber party is, this was something I had to prove to myself that I could do. And I did. I slowly made my way up to my bedroom.
What a glorious night of sleep it was! Until 6AM when I stuck my arm out for my finger stick. Thank goodness is was a dream and I was able to go back to sleep.
I was going to try to get a few things done around my house. Cleaning, mainly. I didn't want to be embarrassed if people came over. And since I still couldn't drive, I was going to need some human contact. It's weird, the fatigue that comes with MS. I would be fine straightening up a few things then I would have to sit down. Now this is what I used to do when cleaning, but that was just because I felt like it! Now my body makes me.
I started thinking about my "plans" for this year. I had planned on being careful with my money so I could pay off some bills and do some renovations on my house. I wasn't going to take a lot of time off of work. I really wanted to be committed to all of this. And the thing I wanted more than anything was to get promoted to Specialist.
I'll tell you something....you may make plans, but God's plan for your life will always trump what you want. He knows best... I could almost hear him saying "Mary, Mary, Mary....Let's try my plan instead." What choice do I really have? I can learn to really, really trust him, or curl up in a fetal position and feel sorry for myself.
I'm going to have to go with the trust thing. Crying gives me a big headache, and let's face it, my brain has enough problems as it is.
That whole story about me staying on 1 floor just was not going to work. I was going to sleep in my own bed and use the regular bathroom! Kat stayed with me for most of the day and offered to spend the night, and as much fun as a slumber party is, this was something I had to prove to myself that I could do. And I did. I slowly made my way up to my bedroom.
What a glorious night of sleep it was! Until 6AM when I stuck my arm out for my finger stick. Thank goodness is was a dream and I was able to go back to sleep.
I was going to try to get a few things done around my house. Cleaning, mainly. I didn't want to be embarrassed if people came over. And since I still couldn't drive, I was going to need some human contact. It's weird, the fatigue that comes with MS. I would be fine straightening up a few things then I would have to sit down. Now this is what I used to do when cleaning, but that was just because I felt like it! Now my body makes me.
I started thinking about my "plans" for this year. I had planned on being careful with my money so I could pay off some bills and do some renovations on my house. I wasn't going to take a lot of time off of work. I really wanted to be committed to all of this. And the thing I wanted more than anything was to get promoted to Specialist.
I'll tell you something....you may make plans, but God's plan for your life will always trump what you want. He knows best... I could almost hear him saying "Mary, Mary, Mary....Let's try my plan instead." What choice do I really have? I can learn to really, really trust him, or curl up in a fetal position and feel sorry for myself.
I'm going to have to go with the trust thing. Crying gives me a big headache, and let's face it, my brain has enough problems as it is.
Must....Have....Mexican.....Food....
The first thing I wanted to do when I got discharged is to eat something I can sorta taste. And since Kat and I go to mexican restaurants 99.9% of the time, I knew I wouldn't have to beg too much.
We get to the restaurant, and it's my first time outside with my walker. I'm a bit self-conscience. But it's not too busy, so it's a good first outing. The salsa was probably good, but at least I could taste spiciness....I'm feeling alive again.
Then something very curious happens. A guy comes into the restaurant and stops at every table asking people something. When he finally gets to us, he asks if we would like to donate to something....I look at him and point at my walker and asked him the same thing. Afterall, I have a deductible....Looks like I have a "walker license", too.
We head to the grocery next. I'm shuffling around with Kat following, pushing the cart. After we get to the third aisle or so, I hear her quietly laughing. When I look at her, she says, "Every old person who passes us, looks at you with sympathy." That's it, next time I'm writing up a shopping list and staying home.
I told everyone who called me or came to see me that I didn't want a lot of sympathy. I'm still Mary. You still need to tease me and treat me like normal. I still love to laugh and do all the things I did before this. I just have to learn to adjust a few things.
And figure out where to buy a cane with a sword hidden in it.
We get to the restaurant, and it's my first time outside with my walker. I'm a bit self-conscience. But it's not too busy, so it's a good first outing. The salsa was probably good, but at least I could taste spiciness....I'm feeling alive again.
Then something very curious happens. A guy comes into the restaurant and stops at every table asking people something. When he finally gets to us, he asks if we would like to donate to something....I look at him and point at my walker and asked him the same thing. Afterall, I have a deductible....Looks like I have a "walker license", too.
We head to the grocery next. I'm shuffling around with Kat following, pushing the cart. After we get to the third aisle or so, I hear her quietly laughing. When I look at her, she says, "Every old person who passes us, looks at you with sympathy." That's it, next time I'm writing up a shopping list and staying home.
I told everyone who called me or came to see me that I didn't want a lot of sympathy. I'm still Mary. You still need to tease me and treat me like normal. I still love to laugh and do all the things I did before this. I just have to learn to adjust a few things.
And figure out where to buy a cane with a sword hidden in it.
Captivity....Day 5 "I am outta here"
If all goes well, this is it. I get to go. I get mildly concerned when they come in to check my vitals. My heart rate is a 49 and it causes the "Low" alarm to go off. Seriously....But after checking a few things, no one is concerned. To celebrate, I order the oatmeal!
I get my last dose of medicine and head down to therapy. Today, I am making oatmeal. It becomes apparent to me when I remove it from the microwave, that it is indeed, possible to mess it up by adding too little water. Obviously, I don't eat it. She has me wash and dry my bowl and spoon and put it away. I'm starting to wander if I'm paying to actually clean this place up.
Physical therapy is next. After our usual exercises I ask if I can try out a cane. It just seemed so much better to me to use a cane as opposed to a walker. She lets me. Immediately, I realize I am most likely concentrating too hard not to fall. Then she tells me she just doesn't think I am ready....I can't use the cane and carry on a conversation at the same time. But at least I know and have a goal to work towards. I can do baby steps for a while.
I have several people helping me out of the hospital. I'm in a wheelchair, holding my flowers, balloons, bag of clothes and walker. Lady is pushing me and dude is carrying my toilet. I'm so proud.
But waiting for me is Kat, with her conversion van that I teased her a lot about when she got it. I distinctly remember saying to her, "Whose wheelchair are you going to be transporting?".
Turns out, someday it may be mine....
I get my last dose of medicine and head down to therapy. Today, I am making oatmeal. It becomes apparent to me when I remove it from the microwave, that it is indeed, possible to mess it up by adding too little water. Obviously, I don't eat it. She has me wash and dry my bowl and spoon and put it away. I'm starting to wander if I'm paying to actually clean this place up.
Physical therapy is next. After our usual exercises I ask if I can try out a cane. It just seemed so much better to me to use a cane as opposed to a walker. She lets me. Immediately, I realize I am most likely concentrating too hard not to fall. Then she tells me she just doesn't think I am ready....I can't use the cane and carry on a conversation at the same time. But at least I know and have a goal to work towards. I can do baby steps for a while.
I have several people helping me out of the hospital. I'm in a wheelchair, holding my flowers, balloons, bag of clothes and walker. Lady is pushing me and dude is carrying my toilet. I'm so proud.
But waiting for me is Kat, with her conversion van that I teased her a lot about when she got it. I distinctly remember saying to her, "Whose wheelchair are you going to be transporting?".
Turns out, someday it may be mine....
Captivity....Day 4
I think we all know my morning routine by now. Up at the crack of dawn, looking at some needles. I feel as though I need to shake up my routine, so I order something different for breakfast.
Not a good move on my part. Why, oh why, didn't I stick with the oatmeal? Even if you don't add the right amount of water to the mix, can you really screw it up? And the eggs were apparently from a powder. The orange slice was pretty good though....
Got my daily infusion of Solu-Medrol. Which to my brain, sounded a lot like Sodium Pentothal (truth serum). Ahem, so because I was mistaken and blamed a lot of things I may or may not have said to you (who will remain nameless), um, I am super sorry about that. I was using the excuse that for some reason I was getting at least a derivative of truth serum on everything I said. Oh, and I was using the "hospital bed license", also. Who is going to yell at someone in a hospital bed??
Again, the question begs to be asked....How do I solve any cases at work???
After my infusion, I take field trip to the physical and occupational department. First thing I do is shuffle around the kitchen with my walker and make a cup o' tea. The therapist didn't like that when I eat or drink something that is too hot, I just shoved it over to the side of my mouth that has no feeling. Me, I thought that fell under the motto, "Adapt, Improvise, Overcome", but no, now I have to test everything I eat or drink with my finger. Fine.
I did a little better on the physical therapy tests, and got my therapist to let me go home instead of a nursing home, on a couple of conditions:
- My doctor agrees
- I have someone stay with me for the first couple of days
- I stay on one floor
Um, sure, I can do that. Not a problem
I go back to my room, chat with my doc, he says that's cool. He felt that it would probably be mentally detrimental for me to go to a nursing home, so we can try home first. Smart guy, my doc. He will have someone come in and discuss a home nurse and physical therapist for a bit. They are going to keep me one more day to get my infusion and work with the therapist. Excellent....the end is near!
Oh, and my spine looked good!
I get a special visit from Renee and Nancy. And a burrito from Chipotle. I have known these chicks for half my life, now. Just being near them makes me happy. It was a great visit. Until, I was told that it was possible the University Hospital was not covered under City insurance anymore. I really gotta start opening up my mail more often!! (Turns out all is well, but the blood did drain from my face for a bit and I think I may have had a little panic attack.)
I barely recovered from that scare, when my - get this - CASE MANAGER comes in. Case Manager?? Um, I didn't think I was going to end up needing a case manager at 38. While I realize that there are plenty of different types of case managers, the only time I usually say those words is when I'm taking someone to the hospital because they want to hurt themselves. "Have you talked to your case manager, lately?"
She explains that I will be leaving tomorrow and will have 2 visits a week from both a nurse and physical therapist at my house. Cool. Then she says, "Do you know where you want us to order your medical equipment?". "I'm sorry, did you say something....What medical equipment?" She responds, "Your walker and bedside toilet." I am sure at this point I am having some kind of psychotic break. Since the only medical equipment I usually have to buy is band aids and Advil, how about you just pick a place for me. K? Thanks.
These lovely things get delivered around 7PM. I realize it's a little early, but could I go ahead and get my Ambien now. I think I'd like to go to sleep.
Oh, and the toilet remains unused. The walker has some time on it, though.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Captivity....Day 3 or "An Evening at the Races"
April 19, 2010
The morning started off the same as the last with one addition....Heparin! Now I get to add a blood thinner to my menagerie of medicine, this one to prevent blood clots since all I'm doing is laying in bed. Oh, and they give it to you in your belly.
Now I'm really starting to question how old I am. I am a fall risk, not allowed to get out of bed alone, getting shots of insulin and blood thinner. Has anyone seen my bifocals??
This day really starts to take a down turn. The physical therapist stops by and we do some walking up and down the hall, and some balance exercises. Not quite sure how I felt as I was walking around, using a walker....but I didn't fall. Let's think a little positive, shall we? She tells me that I will also work with an occupational therapist, but in her opinion, I can't go home by myself. She wants to send me to a skilled nursing facility. And since I am too good to go to Drake, it looks like a nursing home. I'm sorry, hmmmm?? There goes the positivity.
Apparently, I need my hair colored.
So, I wait a bit impatiently for the occupational therapist. Her job is to see if I can do things on my own at home. So we practiced taking my socks off and on, making my bed (why, I don't do this at home) and she made me brush my teeth. She claims it's just part of evaluating if I can take care of myself, but I'm not convinced. We make plans to work together the next day, but I'll be going down to their pretend apartment to wander around....with my walker. Sigh....
About 5:30 in the afternoon, I am transported to theMorgue and Body Receiving, I mean, MRI. The doc wants to take a little peaky-peak at my spine. This is a bit worse than the brain MRI. They put you way into the tube and it takes a lot longer. Mine was probably just under 2 hours. I tried to find a little happy place and decided to recite Psalm 23 ("The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want...."). I really wanted out of that tube! But it definitely helped.
Now I am starving! Even a terrible green bean wrap sounded ok. I get back to my room and grab my menu, because room service is opened until 10PM! Until I get their answering machine and it says that the hours are actually 10AM until 7PM. Why is this the thing that pushes me over the edge? Telling me I have a life long illness and that I may not be able to be a street cop doesn't make me cry. Realizing I missed dinner and knowing I can't eat my chocolate because of my darn blood sugar makes me lose it! I am mad! I'm hungry, I'm in the hospital, still, and my immune system works so well, it has attacked my brain! And, I'm hungry!!
During this time of wallowing in self-pity, I hear from my Hero (Ron) and Heroine (Alicia). They are coming up to see me, did I need anything? Now, I'm crying tears of joy! Soup and a vanilla coke sound wonderful....screw the blood sugar, bring on the insulin!
After I inhaled my soup, we chatted for awhile. My roommate probably got a little upset at how much I laughed, but it was so nice to see them. When I mentioned that my eyes were a little wacky and that all my surroundings were moving, they set me up with a little entertainment before they left. They put 2 of my mints side by side on my table, yelled "GO" and the race began! It was a close race. One would get a little bit in front of the other and then would fall behind. This went on....and on....and on. My plan was to eat the loser.
Turns out it was a tie.
The morning started off the same as the last with one addition....Heparin! Now I get to add a blood thinner to my menagerie of medicine, this one to prevent blood clots since all I'm doing is laying in bed. Oh, and they give it to you in your belly.
Now I'm really starting to question how old I am. I am a fall risk, not allowed to get out of bed alone, getting shots of insulin and blood thinner. Has anyone seen my bifocals??
This day really starts to take a down turn. The physical therapist stops by and we do some walking up and down the hall, and some balance exercises. Not quite sure how I felt as I was walking around, using a walker....but I didn't fall. Let's think a little positive, shall we? She tells me that I will also work with an occupational therapist, but in her opinion, I can't go home by myself. She wants to send me to a skilled nursing facility. And since I am too good to go to Drake, it looks like a nursing home. I'm sorry, hmmmm?? There goes the positivity.
Apparently, I need my hair colored.
So, I wait a bit impatiently for the occupational therapist. Her job is to see if I can do things on my own at home. So we practiced taking my socks off and on, making my bed (why, I don't do this at home) and she made me brush my teeth. She claims it's just part of evaluating if I can take care of myself, but I'm not convinced. We make plans to work together the next day, but I'll be going down to their pretend apartment to wander around....with my walker. Sigh....
About 5:30 in the afternoon, I am transported to the
Now I am starving! Even a terrible green bean wrap sounded ok. I get back to my room and grab my menu, because room service is opened until 10PM! Until I get their answering machine and it says that the hours are actually 10AM until 7PM. Why is this the thing that pushes me over the edge? Telling me I have a life long illness and that I may not be able to be a street cop doesn't make me cry. Realizing I missed dinner and knowing I can't eat my chocolate because of my darn blood sugar makes me lose it! I am mad! I'm hungry, I'm in the hospital, still, and my immune system works so well, it has attacked my brain! And, I'm hungry!!
During this time of wallowing in self-pity, I hear from my Hero (Ron) and Heroine (Alicia). They are coming up to see me, did I need anything? Now, I'm crying tears of joy! Soup and a vanilla coke sound wonderful....screw the blood sugar, bring on the insulin!
After I inhaled my soup, we chatted for awhile. My roommate probably got a little upset at how much I laughed, but it was so nice to see them. When I mentioned that my eyes were a little wacky and that all my surroundings were moving, they set me up with a little entertainment before they left. They put 2 of my mints side by side on my table, yelled "GO" and the race began! It was a close race. One would get a little bit in front of the other and then would fall behind. This went on....and on....and on. My plan was to eat the loser.
Turns out it was a tie.
Captivity....Day 2
April 18, 2010
It's Sunday. The day of rest. Which I got to do until about 6AM when they checked my temperature, blood pressure, oxygen level and stuck my finger for the blood sugar. It's hard to fall asleep after all that and even if I did, the needle with Insulin is next.
My nurse stops in to say hello, I think. She is the same one I had yesterday and I cannot understand a word she says. I feel as if she is nice, because she smiles a lot. I suppose she could be maniacal, instead. But since my cup is usually 3/4ths full, I'll go with nice.
She hooks me up to my second infusion and I order my breakfast. Oatmeal again. They give you a menu to pick your own meals. And you can call whenever you want. They call it room service. I'm not too keen on the name. Like I would actually forget where I am and really think it's something special. "I'll have pancakes and a Valium, please." They didn't think the request for a Valium was all that funny....
So, what do you do while in the hospital on a Sunday? Wait for lunch! And what a lunch it was!
It's Sunday. The day of rest. Which I got to do until about 6AM when they checked my temperature, blood pressure, oxygen level and stuck my finger for the blood sugar. It's hard to fall asleep after all that and even if I did, the needle with Insulin is next.
My nurse stops in to say hello, I think. She is the same one I had yesterday and I cannot understand a word she says. I feel as if she is nice, because she smiles a lot. I suppose she could be maniacal, instead. But since my cup is usually 3/4ths full, I'll go with nice.
She hooks me up to my second infusion and I order my breakfast. Oatmeal again. They give you a menu to pick your own meals. And you can call whenever you want. They call it room service. I'm not too keen on the name. Like I would actually forget where I am and really think it's something special. "I'll have pancakes and a Valium, please." They didn't think the request for a Valium was all that funny....
So, what do you do while in the hospital on a Sunday? Wait for lunch! And what a lunch it was!
Check it out! Tomato soup and a Tomato Mozzarella Panini from Panera.
Thank you, Lisa!! Now I really didn't taste it, but I know it was good. I think
my taste buds have muscle memory. And the company was superb!
The doctors visit me again. They tell me 2 doses of the Solu-Medrol should have me feeling better, but I'm not feeling it yet. That's ok. I like to be difficult, so I probably need just one more dose. They tell me I'm going to get a visit from a physical therapist in the morning. Coolio.
Today was a smorgasbord of visitors, too! I think I will sleep good tonight.
But, um, I'll take my Ambien just in case.
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